02 14 2018

Goals for this process:

Halt the spread of stretch marks, because although Kendrick has declared them a-ok again I'd like for my stomach to not look like the dude from Jumanji when he's getting snatched up by the living vines.

Get rid of my booty shelf so that when I embark on the trek from my office to the parking lot (a mile away) I don't have to pull my shirt down over my crack every other pace. I will, however, miss the built in space for storing books.

Gain the ability to comfortably cross my legs. And I don't mean sitting in a really deep couch that freezes any physical action in its warm embrace. I'm talking one of those folding chairs at a wedding that you'd normally be worried about holding up an infant's weight.

 

 And boy, do I miss those Krispy Kreme donuts.

And boy, do I miss those Krispy Kreme donuts.

02 12 2018

The funniest thing I've encountered at the gym is when the skinny person on the treadmill next to me looks over at my treadmill and notices my workout speed is .01% faster than their WARM UP speed. It's usually only a matter of time before they try to subtly jack their speed up to eclipse mine. This feels like a good spot to insert a lesson, but I really don't have one. 

 Like, honey, I am obese. Why are you comparing our workouts?

Like, honey, I am obese. Why are you comparing our workouts?

Dump

To be clear, I'm not a writer and this is no hip and cool mommy blog. These are my unsolicited thoughts on how much I hate diet and exercise.

 I'm going to just dump my thoughts here from time to time. Merry Christmas, and god bless us all.

I'm going to just dump my thoughts here from time to time. Merry Christmas, and god bless us all.